Saturday, January 3, 2009

Good morning, Jack and Mandy, it's time to play.

This morning, at about 4 a.m., the dog decided to wake up. She does this sometimes, but most of the time she wakes us up to let her out, then goes back to bed. I'm thinking we let her sleep too long during the day yesterday, because this is how the night went down:

4 a.m. - Maggie wakes up and wanders around the bedroom for a while, and I hear the "clink clink clink" of her tags as she explores a little. Finally, bored, she begins her breathy growly-barking thing she does when she wants to wake us up. "Mmmmm...bufff!" Um... guys? It's time to get up. "Mmmmm...buff!" Jack gets up and trudges out of the room to let her out and comes back in a few minutes later. I mumble a "thank you, husband" and roll over without opening my eyes as he returns to bed.

4:10 a.m. - We're back in bed, but Maggie's not tired any more. "Mmmm...buff!" Just come throw my ball for me! We try to ignore her. She just gets louder. "Maggie, no!" I command. "Go back to bed!"

4:12 a.m. - She apparently did not like this idea. The "buff" in her "mmmm...buff" is getting louder.

4:13 a.m. - She's now standing up on her back feet with her front feet on the side of the bed, digging into my sheets with her little paws. "Mmmm... BUFF!" Would a walk around the block really be that much to ask!? she says. Scratch scratch scratch. "MAGGIE! NO!" Both Jack and I yell simultaneously. She gets quiet... for about a millisecond.

4:14 a.m. - "Mmmm...BUFF! BUFF!" Just get up and scratch my belly for a while! she says, and I angrily throw the covers off of me and storm out of bed. "Come on, Maggie. We're going outside," I say as I stomp out of the room while Jack turns over, frustrated. Maggie is very excited about my obvious desire to get up and play with her and bounds out of the room after me.

4:15 a.m. - Maggie follows me to the back door and apparently does not like the idea of going back outside. She seats herself on the edge of the carpet and is just staring at me, bewildered, as I rationally try to explain to her that if she doesn't need to go outside, she needs to go back to bed and let us sleep. We stare at each other a little longer.

Finally, I close the door and mutter under my breath as I walk back into the bedroom and get in bed, leaving the bedroom door open this time so she can explore the house if she's bored instead of barking at us.

She sits on the floor on my side of the bed and stares up at me. I point to her bed. "Go to bed right now," I tell her, and I'm very satisfied when she obediently climbs into her bed and sits down. She watches me as I roll over and anticipate a lovely finish to the dream I had been having.

4:18 a.m. - Maggie's up again, and Jack and I lie awake as we hear the clink clink clink of her coller again. We know what's coming now. This time she's on Jack's side of the bed. "Mmmm...buff!" Daddy! Mommy put me to bed and I want to play! Daddy! Get up! We ignore her. "Mmmm...buff!"

4:20 a.m. - Her little breathy barks have evolved into all-out "Mmm... RAWF!" and I angrily get out of bed once again, once again heading toward the door. This time, when Maggie runs toward the living room, anticipating a good old fashioned game of tug-of-war, I wait until she's out of the room and close the door behind me. "There," I tell Jack. "That should do it." Back to bed we go.

4:21 a.m. - Maggie does not like this turn of events at all, and comes back with a vengance. We hear a sniffing at the bottom of our door as she assesses the situation. "The door seems to be closed," she decides. "I'd better let them know this, since obviously they accidentally closed it on their way out to play with me."

4:22 a.m. - "Waaaaaa hummmnn hummn humn hummm!!!! WAAAAAAAA HUMMMNN HUMM HUMNN HUM!!!" What kind of parents would EVER lock their doggie out of their room!? I just need love! Love me! LOVE ME! she whines right outside our door. Scratch scratch scratch scratch.

4:23 a.m. - Jack is furious, and storms out of bed toward the door, throwing it open. "Maggie! You need to be quiet! Go to bed!" Maggie runs back in, ecstatic that we have finally decided that all we really want right now is to throw her squeaky soccer ball for her until the sun comes up.

4:37 a.m. - I've finally convinced Maggie to lay down in her bed and she's actually quiet. Ahh, sweet sleep!

8 a.m. - An alarm I did not intend to be set on this vacation day (you know, the one when we can sleep in as long as we want) goes off. Maggie is up once again. "Mmm...buff!" she says.

Good morning, Jack and Mandy. It's time to play.


Courtney said...

Oh, I have a stitch in my side from laughing so hard at this story! Golly, it seems as if you've been inside a dog's head before...

You're hilarious, my friend!


Meagan White said...

Okay, that was absolutely hilarious