Thursday, February 26, 2009

The terrible story

This is for Ellyn. :) Partially because I feel terribly guilty about being lame and not being able to think up the best name ever for her awesome project, but mostly just because I love her. And she twittered me and reminded me about it.

Oh yeah, and by the way I just had a "WOAH" moment when I realized that your twitter name is your name backwards. That's right, folks, doesn't take much to astound me.

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Here's some context about my terrible story - I twittered this earlier:

Oh my gosh. I did something SO horrendous today that I don't even know if I can put it in Not Me Monday. It's so embarrassing.

That being said, I probably won't be able to wait until Monday to tell the story. It will most likely get its own post tonight. Ugh.

You will probably laugh very hard, though, and after all, I am here solely for your amusement, dear readers.

(Man, now I'm worried my terrible story won't be so shocking or interesting at all. This is a lot of pressure. Deep breaths. Whew!)

And now, onward.

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So today, I was going about my merry way being a rock star at work, editing and mixing down, converting and uploading. It's quite the gig.

I was feeling super-cute (or, you know, just sort of cute) because I wore my knee-length skirt, short-sleeved shirt, and open-toed shoes to work because it was 82 degrees here today (another reason to MckCruise out of the Lone Star State, no?). Sure, I would end up with blisters on my feet from said open-toe shoes after my walk to Starbucks, but hey, at least everybody could see my hot pink toe nail polish. I hadn't had these clothes out since last summer!

But I digress.

So I'm sitting there, editing, and I happened to look down at my lap, all of the sudden noticing a weird stain on my skirt. It ran from about hip bone to my knee, to give you a perspective on how big this stain really was. And it was yellow.

This was not a dark-colored skirt, friends. This was a white skirt with green flowers on it. With a big yellow stain on the white.

Maggie.

As I've mentioned before, my darling dog likes to urinate on everything. I had to put a drop cloth on my bed when I left for classes in college because she just loves peeing on beds and blankets. Gross, I know. Trust me, I know. I learned never to get into bed in the dark or without feeling around first. We can't leave clean clothes or towels on the couch when we leave either, because, you guessed it, she uses them as her personal litter-box.

Now that we have a house with doors that close and Maggie's home life is a little more stable (not moving every summer), she's not quite so bad, but as you can probably gather from the way this story is going so far, there are still times we're still unpleasantly surprised by this.

Problem is, I never catch her and therefore have a hard time punishing her for it. If anybody has any ideas on this one, I'd love the advice. (MckMama? got any Potty Training 101 for a theoretically housebroken dog? I'm guessing your kids don't urinate on beds and clothes out of spite.)

Anyway, back to the skirt.

Best I could tell, Maggie peed on the skirt while it was on my closet floor amongst all the dirty laundry, and the washing machine didn't get the actual stain out later. Back it went onto the hanger to await my return and inevitable humiliation.

So I'm sitting in my office, staring at this huge pee stain on the front of my skit, wondering if anybody noticed. Then, it occurs to me that the urine most likely is on the back too.

Ut oh.

I stand up and turn the skirt around, hoping to find a less visible stain, but unfortunately, the one on the back is even bigger. And really unfortunately placed.

Yep, I'm an adult with pee-stains on my skirt at work. Yellow stains in the crotch area just scream professionalism, don't they?

Because God actually cares about the details, I happened to be carrying my other purse today, which had my Tide pen in it. Whew! While it wasn't 100% effective (since, you know, it's for spots and not for cleansing an entire skirt!), at least it took some of the edge off.

Unfortunately, my friend Erin walked in while I was trying to remove the stain, asked me if I had spilled something on my skirt, forcing me to sheepishly explain why I was covering my skirt with stain remover.

The lesson I learned today? Do a little twirl in front of the mirror before you leave for work. It might just save you a day of walking around looking like you'd wet your pants skirt.

10 comments:

El said...

Oh, Mandy, that is ROUGH. I think I would have gone home to change. How brave of you to tide pen it out! You deserve a gold star. =P

Natalie said...

Oh wow. I just laughed out loud. Sorry.

But I would've also gone home to change!!! You go girl for hanging in there!

Shelley said...

Oh Mandy. That is a doozie... You had me laughing pretty hard, but oh, you poor thing!

Alicia said...

You had me laughing too. I am sorry about that. I too would have went home lol!

Greg said...

LOL...

Good cover story - yeah, stick with that one. ;-)

Jacky said...

Oh my...poor you! But it is great story. Does that make it better? =)

The Hixson Family said...

Oh Mandy - That is horrible! It's moments like those when I am so happy that I work about 200 yards from a Macys Dept. store!

ash said...

omg, how funny is that?! not too much I know, but it did put a smile on my face after a particularly bad week.

Nelle said...

OH Mandy...how difficult that must have been. YIKES. My cat likes to lay on dirty clothes. I bought a wooden bench type hamper and we put all dirty clothes in it and hang clean ones up right away. Have you thought about baby gates to keep Maggie out of certain places? Also has a vet checked her to make sure she's not incontinent? There are medications for that. IF you catch her in the act and can shake a can full of coins she might be so scared she won't do it again but I know that's easier said than done. There is also a spray called NO that is supposed to keep them from peeing on things. Good luck!

Tiffany said...

...and this is why we don't have pets. ;)