Monday, February 2, 2009

Worst. Day. Ever.

It started out so well.

Jack got up early, so I could tell it was the day that Mandy would sleep in with me (I'm a dog, so I don't know what the days of the week are, but I think I heard her say the word "Saturday," whatever that means).

I barked at Mandy (as did the neighbor dog, that barks non-stop every. single. morning.) and finally, she groaned and rolled out of bed to take me out. I'm so the queen of the house.

After Mandy and I got up, we played for a little while, then I chilled while Mandy designed some blogs for Blogs for a Cause (that's right, I don't know what the days of the week are, but I know the name and URL of Mandy's new business to raise money for her BikeMS ride).

Then, the trouble started.

I'm always worried when Mandy starts cleaning. First of all, she gets out that big scary loud machine that she runs over the carpet. I don't know why she keeps getting that out when I've made it quite clear that I do not like it! I run away from it, and when I get brave, I run after it and bark at it. Then it scares me and I run away again. Hey, I'm just a little dog.

But the bathroom... the bathroom is where I really don't want Mandy to clean.

You see, for some reason, before Mandy cleans the bathroom, sometimes she also decides to clean me! She puts water in the tub, grabs this awful shampoo (which she tries to convince me smells good! She REALLY doesn't understand what sorts of smells I like), rubs it all over me, and then pour water on me. It's barbaric!

So when she grabbed me and carried me into the bathroom, I knew what was coming. It was the dreaded BATH.

But wait... the water's not running... wait... I think I recognize that... what are you doing with that trimmer!? Those scissors? No... not... a haircut!!!

I cowered and crowded the wall as she came at me with the loud vibrating monster.

Gvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv!!!! She ran it down my coat, vibrating my whole body and taking off chunks of hair at a time. She did this over and over and over, and even though she could totally tell that I wasn't enjoying it, she kept doing it. 10 minutes passed. Still going. 20 minutes passed. More torture. 30 minutes passed. Awful.

Finally, she finished this agonizing persecution, and I would soon be free.

...and then she started the bath water. Are you freaking kidding me!? After all of that, and Mandy still wanted to give me a bath?

She went to pick me up again as I did a cartoon-like run-in-place in the small area to try to get away. Plomp. Right in the tub I went, and she soaked me with water.

I will never forgive you for this.

"Goooood girl," she cooes as she slathers the disgusting goop all over me.

Yeah, I'll show you a good girl. Remember that yellow spot on your bed? I can make that happen again.

"You're so pretty!" she remarks, stupidly.

Pretty!? I'm a mutt that you thought about naming "Floyd!" And you just cut my hair completely unevenly!

Finally, she finished up and, shockingly, had the nerve to take my picture before she would let me get out. I tried to jump out of the tub several times, clearly ticked off at her, so she finally put the camera down and got me out of the tub.

After she dried me off and opened the door to the bathroom, I took off like a shot and ran laps around the house, rubbing my wet body all over her freshly-vacuumed floor (HA!).

Then, to add insult to injury, she washed both of my beds! And I've been working so hard on making them smell just right!

I definitely don't trust Mandy any more, and there's no way I'm going anywhere near the bathroom again. At least I left it super-messy.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go roll in something.

Doesn't this picture just SCREAM "name that photo contest?"

Name this photo!! Winner gets a free customized blog button with "grab my button" HTML (made by me) using a fabulous kit of your choice from Creations by Rachael!


Jaymie said...

"She said we were going for a walk! This was SO not what I was thinking!"

Amanda said...

aww poor soggy doggy! They look so humilated in the tub and smaller. She's no longer a shaggy waggy maggie!

Courtney and the Boys said...

"PLEASE don't post this on your blog, Mommy...please! This will totally ruin my reputation!"



Jenna said...

WHAT? You've ever seen a wet dog before?

Tiffany Taylor said...

What a cute post! :) I won't enter the contest, since I already have a fabulous button created by you!! I must say I like Courtney's!