Sunday, April 5, 2009

Surprise! It's the flu!

Last night, I threw Jack a surprise 30th birthday party. I think he was genuinely surprised and really enjoyed himself. When the time came for the cake, however, I found out that I made a serious error in judgment when I opted for some trick candles (you know, the ones that re-light themselves after they're blown out).

Bad idea.

What I hadn't considered was the very excited short crowd; you know, the portion of the crowd that are generally sticky and disgusting all the time, carrying trillions of germs and bacteria on every inch of their skin? Yeah. The kids.

As soon as the birthday song was finished and Jack blew out the candles, the 10 trick candles relit themselves.

"Oh, ha ha," Jack said. "Trick candles."

"I'll go get a glass of water," I said, as I began to make my way through the crowd toward the kitchen.

In the meantime, the kids, who were all surrounding the cake and drooling on themselves, were beginning to try to blow out the candles (which, as we learned from the first time Jack blew them out, would relight themselves, even if blown out again. Kids are a little dumb, apparently). As a bit of an unknown child's saliva hit my wrist, I addressed all the kids at once, telling them to stop blowing, let the candles keep burning, and we'll get water to put it out in a minute.

Evidently kids have zero self control when it comes to sweets and/or fire. Something programmed in their brains tell them that if there is a fire burning on food everyone will be sharing later, they absolutely must blow all over it, flecks of germ-ridden saliva and all (who started this idiotic tradition, anyway?). Even if it's not their birthday or their cake. And it of course does not occur to them to actually stop blowing on the cake when the adults say "stop blowing on the cake."

Can you tell I'm not ready for kids yet?

Anyway, the rest of the party was a success, except for the fact that Jack was exhausted after a day of both classes and a tournament (and here I was thinking "well, he'll be out of the house all day! It's perfect!") and was a little embarrassed to be coming home in his taekwondo uniform in front of all those people (because they've never seen him in a taekwondo uniform before?).

His parents also came in town and stayed hidden until the party, which was a fun surprise for him too.

But if we end up with the flu next week, you'll know why. It was the candles.