Monday, June 8, 2009

All my Exes Live in Texas...Stadium

This weekend, we went to the George Strait concert at the new Texas Stadium. It was AWESOME! Leann Womack, Blake Shelton, and Reba all opened for him, and they were also incredible (especially Reba!!)

We started in section four-hundred-and-way-the-heck-at-the-top, where we could see okay, but one of the speakers was cutting in and out, producing a giant muddled reverb from which we couldn't actually decipher any of the words. It was miserable. We thought it would be like that the whole concert, but fortunately the group next to us told us that we could go to the information desk and complain and they would reseat us in another section. Hallelujah!

So we moved to a place that had much better sound and a better view of the 60-yard screen as well (That's right. 60 yards.)

When Reba came on, I leaned over to Jack and said "I want to look like that when I'm 50!"

Later, when George came on, Jack leaned over to me and said "I want to look like that when I'm 50!"

I leaned back over to Jack. "I want you to look like that when you're 50 too!"

George was incredible, as always. The man can do no wrong.

We also got to be the first crowd to see the brand new retractable roof open, per George's request to Jerry. It was pretty cool.

The part where Mandy almost gets to hit somebody

Really, the only unpleasant thing about the evening was the idiots behind us. Now, you let morons drink moron juice beer for 6 hours straight, and they become bionic morons. The kind of morons that could have super-powers if they could just walk a few steps without stumbling.

It started with a moron lady, who was sitting directly behind us. The first thing said moron lady did was announce to us that she was "f*****-up" (really? We couldn't tell that from the slurred words, you wreaking of alcohol, or the fact that you have lost the ability to walk, but thanks for clarifying), and proceeded to blabber on for about 20 minutes about how she loved Jack's hair and that her husband did it the same way and she loves ponies and she wishes she had an IQ above that of a roof shingle. Or something along those lines.

Then, her husband came back from the concesion stand, a few more beers in hand, thilled with himself for having found his row (actually, he found my row, not his. His row was behind ours). He started yelling to her, and she back to him. Finally, I guess she got tired of the yelling.

"Yurrr all f***** up, yeww sooonaa-beeech. Sadown!" she yelled at him.

Immediately, he sat down in the seat directly next to me and busted out in idiotic laughter. He leaned over to me.

"Sheee say-ed to sadown and I saadown raight heeere," he slurred. "Ahm likea dawg. I doo wut she tellz me." Then he busted out in laughter for another 5 minutes and repeated what he had just said about eight more times.

Awesome, dude. You sat down on command. You have now proven yourself about 1/10 as intellegent as my dog. Nice work.

Finally, he moved back to his row, and all of the sudden I saw a hand above Jack's head.

"Ahh jus' wanna tuch yer hair, cuz ah do mah ha-yer the sayme way," he leaned over and said to Jack, as he put his hand on Jack's head and started stroking it. Before Jack could even react, I whipped around and glared at the drunk redneck moron.

"Please stop touching my husband's hair." I said, forcefully, as I glared at him.

"But ah do mah hay-er the sayme waaaaaay," he protested. "Ah jus' wanna see wha it feelz like."

"If you do your hair that way," I reasoned, "then you should know what it feels like. Get your hand off my husband's head."

"Then Ah'll just touch yer hair then," he retorted, as he moved his hand from Jack's head to mine.

As soon as his hand touched my hair I whipped around and slapped his hand away forcefully. He stared at me, stunned.

"Well..." he paused, and spoke slowly. "Yer kind of an asshole, aren't you?"

Yes, actually, I am kind of an asshole. Glad you got the message.

He didn't touch any of us after that.


[By the way, we moved seats in the middle of Reba's performance, right after the first drunk lady stumbled as she was trying to dance and landed right on top of me, catching herself on the top of my head. After the move, the rest of the concert was much more enjoyable.]


Rachel said...

This is unreal. I love this story SO much. I am cracking up!!!

Jamie McLaughlin said...

Ok I am not going to discuss the concert with you because it will just devolve into a jealous whine (is devolve a word?) Anywho, I am glad you got to play musical chairs and get away from the crazy touchy people. And good job slapping the guys hand away. Just the thought gives me the heeby jeebys.

Tim said...

We were in Grapevine this weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge. We went with the Borens (fellow bloggers) to the airport to welcome some soldiers home at the airport. I saw the concert on the news there in Dallas when we were there. That must have been so cool to see it for the first time.

So sorry you had the drunks behind you. :(

Love and Prayers,


Amanda said...

wow! Now, you should write a song about your experience and sell it to George or Reba. Or even write a duet! Then, they'll let you go to all of their concerts and you can sit wherever you want!