Monday, June 29, 2009

The truth about weddings

The truth about weddings?

Nobody really wants to be there.

Okay, a few people want to be there:
  1. The bride, and sometimes the groom
  2. Friends of the couple who are either engaged or almost-engaged, who are basically just judging your decor and taking notes on the good stuff.
That's pretty much it. Everyone else? Well, they're basically just trying to get the weekend over with. I realize that now.

Now, before all you crazy brides leave angry "I hope you die" comments, I'm not saying the whole wedding thing is not worth it. It sort of is. It's just that it's so insignificant in the scheme of things! 

The little crap you stressed over for a year or more? Most likely nobody noticed (except recent or soon-to-be brides). The day you've dreamed about since you were a little girl? Over in three hours.

Cynical? Maybe. Correct? Definitely.

In the process of your wedding planning, try not to piss off your friends (you're going to need them when your husband pisses you off), and try not to piss off your fiancee (or there won't be a wedding). Contrary to what the wussy grooms on "Bridezillas" indicate, most guys won't stick around for that kind of behavior.

Stop thinking about the ribbons you have to tie, the centerpieces you have to make, or the photographer that just cancelled on you, and (nicely) ask some good friends to help you. Don't do it all on your own or you will turn into a fire-breathing dragon, and nobody wants to marry that.

Because what you should be focused on is the marriage. The learning how to communicate with this person. The learning how to live with this person. The fact that you will be spending every day until the day that you die with this person. The fact that it is constant effort and you never ever ever get out of it. The realization that you will be the one holding the bucket when this person is puking.

And if that thought doesn't make you jump for joy? Then don't make everyone sit through your weekend. Because the marriage is really all that matters.


Shane said...

Not completely true. The root beer floats were enjoyable. Probably moreso than being married.

Emily said...

Truer words were never written!

Jacky said...

Aw, great post, Mandy. =) I'll have to remember that for when I get married. I'm the type of person who freaks out about ribbon-tying and all that, and everything has to be done JUST RIGHT! Hayden, however, is extremely laid back and tends to be my anchor when I'm floating all over the place. Except then he gets stressed out...hopefully when we get married it will be as low-stress as possible! Thanks for the reminder. =)

Jim Crawford said...

For years your mother and I were quite concerned that your dreams of marriage never seemed to go beyond the honeymoon. It was the ring and the dress and all your friends getting dressed up to share "your day". We would often have thoughtful discussion about what we might have done differently to make you understand that the marriage is 50 or 60 years and the wedding is only 3 hours of it.

As usual, you impress us and we still get to savor the joy of you as you "grow up".

A bit more than a year after the event and I'm thrilled that I can say you seem to have picked the right guy and now fully understand that marriage is less about Cinderella and the happy little animals and more about holding the bucket when he pukes.

In the years to come there will be times when you love him so much you want to explode. There will be other times when you will have trouble deciding if you should divorce him or just kill him. It's all part of the package. Learn to enjoy the "for better" and endure the "for worse" and God will continue to bless you (and he's done quite a bit of that in your life so far).

{Louisiana.Bride} said...

Amen to that! I managed to have a relaxed party feel that everyone said was the best wedding they had ever been to. But I totally agree, everything that went wrong was completely unnoticed by everyone. I made the mistake of having a lot of do it yourself projects that I did on my own, had I branched out to friends I would have been less stressed. But good note to all the nearly weds, that is something everyone forgets.

Heather Marie said...

Great post Mandy!!! So true when you really think about it. When I get engaged I will keep your post in mind and remember the more important aspect of the wedding day. I'm thinking this time around it'll be better to do something small and memorable. After all, it's all about love right?? :)

Sheena said...

Maybe I haven't been to enough weddings to be jaded (I'm still in my early twenties), but I have to disagree--I LIKE going to weddings! I feel privileged to share in a special day with my friends, and it's a great excuse to party. The food and service has always been great, too. Actually, I typically remember the food more than anything else.

Mandy and Jack said...

It's not that the actual weddings aren't fun - usually they are. It really depends on whether you 1) have anything to do with the set up and planning of the wedding and 2) actually know someone there besides the bride and groom. If you're responsibility-free and surrounded by mutual friends, sure, it's a fabulous party!