Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Dear Cooper

Dear Cooper,

Maybe you think that because you play football and baseball at some hick-town high school that you're a big shot. Maybe because of that, you think it's okay to flip off the lady in the car behind you when she taps her horn after waiting 20 seconds after the light turns green without you moving. Yeah, Cooper, that's classy.

To be fair, I'm sure you had to finish your text message. I mean, you are important, Cooper, and I'm sure there are girls lining up for you, being on the football and the baseball team and all. Enjoy it while you can, kid, because the 16-year-old bimbos that are attracted to you right now are the only "women" that will every be interested in a jerk like you.

The icing on the cake, Cooper, is that big "Younglife" sticker on the back window of your daddy's old hand-me-down 1995 Ford Taurus. I guess you're there for the free food, because you certainly didn't join because you're any kind of Christian kid. Your mom must be so proud.

Enjoy these years, Cooper, becuase they will most certainly be the best of your life. In fact, if history has taught us anything, it's that you will be working in some retail or food service industry in five years, just trying to scrape up enough enough money to pay child support for your illegitimate children.

But we don't have to think about that. Let's stay in the present, and enjoy the time you have one top. Because today, Cooper? Today you shined.


Mallory said...

You're funny. And a really good writer. :)

How did you know this guy's name is Cooper? Let me guess, it was his license plate? Haha.

Greg said...


'nuff said

Mandy and Jack said...

His name was under the baseball and football decals on his back window. To be fair, his name might not have been Cooper, but for the sake of the story, we'll say the jerk who flipped me off for honking 20 seconds after the light turned green was named Cooper.

Anonymous said...

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.
Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can’t make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.
Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.
Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.
Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

Lindsey said...

Ezekiel 2:1-10, God told Ezekiel not be afraid of the people or their words. Though they would test him with their stubbornness and hardness, though they would pierce his very heart and soul, he was to preach with courage.

If you're going to glorify and preach his name, do not hide behind an anonymous comment. Preach with courage and commitment to His word.

Also, Matthew 7, you said it yourself: "let us be slow to judge." Do not assume that just because Mandy used her talent to write a clever post on a blog that she doesn't know the Lord and His teaching. If you're going to share the gospel, do it with love and conviction, not out of passive-aggressive contempt.

Mandy and Jack said...

Hellooooo Lindsey. You're a rock star.

Okay, Anonymous. First of all, seriously? Anonymous? Let's discuss this like adults, kay? If you have something to say, say it using your name. I will say what I have to say using mine.

It’s funny that you wrote this directed at me, since I actually thought of this sort of attitude when the kid flipped me off. I thought “I wonder if he knew that I had a fever, had stayed home from work today because I was sick, was getting carsick from driving the car, and was just trying to drop off my husband’s uniform he requested at his work and get back home and lay down, if he would still have flipped me off when I tapped my horn to get his attention.” And honestly, the honk was only trying to communicate that the light was green, nothing else. No aggression, no anger (until he nonchalantly stuck his middle finger up at me out the back window.) I don’t always get to say this, but in this situation I did nothing wrong. I’d tell you if I did. But I didn’t.

And after he flipped me off? Well, I didn’t do anything back. I felt like flipping him off right back, honking my horn again, and, if I had still been driving Burt, ramming my car into the back of his crappy car in retaliation. But I didn’t.

I would understand your passive-aggressive holier-than-thou comment had I done any of those things. I really would. But the fact is, I left him alone and came home and blogged about it.

Jim Crawford said...

I just see God up there looking down and shaking his head.

He has these people who took the name of his son displaying emblems so the world knows and they represent him by doing the devils work using the FU gesture in public.

Next he has folks (who it seems also took his son's name) condemning not the gesture, or the devils work of flashing it out the back window, but the one it was intended to insult. Worse than attacking the victim in this episode, the anonymous person did it in the form of a prayer (suggesting it is Gods will that the blog author be reprimanded for expressing that the gesture was inappropriate and immature).

You KNOW the God looking down has lots of love as he does nothing to decrease representation from folks like anonymous who prove that this God is represented by (and gives grace to) some of the most misdirected and foolish folks on the planet.

No condemnation here - just a perspective.

Mandy and Jack said...

I might as well also add that all the examples in Anonymous's "prayer" were examples of people being ANNOYING, not AGGRESSIVE. There's a difference there.

Shane said...

Sometimes I like to hold down Ajax's claws except for that middle claw and then people write blog posts about him. He likes the publicity.

By the way, become a fan of Ajax The Greyhound on Facebook!