Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Lest you think I have abandoned you...

...because I have. Abandoned you, that is. I haven't blogged in eight whole days! Why has no one called my husband to offer condolences? Because surely the only reason I would take a blogging hiatus for eight whole days must be that I am dead.

Guess what! I'm not!

Actually, I don't have a good reason for staying away for so long. I mean, other than laziness, busyness, blog designing, and having nothing to write about. And by "nothing" I mean "nothing long enough for a whole post." So I shall offer you a bulleted list of my goings-on, lazy-blogger style.

  • This weekend I went to a Women of Faith conference with some of my co-workers. My boss was generous enough to get us all tickets, and I had a nice time with everyone, and I was very excited to see Steven Curtis Chapman perform on Friday night.

    However.

    I have a hard time enjoying conferences like these, partially because I'm fairly cynical when it comes to religious "productions." I'm usually on the production side of such things, and so maybe I'm jaded, but I kind of hate it when people put on a show for me and tell me to feel spiritual. Matthew Turner calls this hype a "joygasm" in his [awesome] book "Churched," and that's the word that kept coming to mind when I was sitting there listening to the show.

    It also didn't help that they took about 40% of the time plugging their books, future conferences, WorldVision, and their other sponsors. I mean, I realize they have to spend some time doing that, but I feel like they wasted a lot of mine.

    Also, the whole "let's tell a sad story and cry and then sing" thing doesn't really appeal to me either. I'm not the girl you see in church putting her hands in the air during the worship songs (or sometimes, even singing at all), and I'd rather hear teaching and theology than stories about "How God changed mah life when I was saaaad." I'm sure this stuff has a place for some people, but for me, not so much. I don't need an emotional experience to believe what I believe.

    So there you have it. I have no soul.

  • Last night I went to my parents' house to pick up the dog (she stays there while we're at work because she just can't seem to stop peeing on the carpet), who henceforth should be referred to as the damn dog. But, you know, people don't like it when you say "damn."

    Anyway, my parents and I were in the office, mom and I having called my dad in from his dinner to help us with something. As we've learned before, leaving food on an end table where Maggie can get to it is not a good idea. Leaving food anywhere that Maggie can get to it is not a good idea.

    But by the time he realized his mistake, it was too late. He came back to a plate of only sauerkraut where there used to be sausage, sauerkraut, and cauliflower. (What kind of weird dog likes cauliflower but not sauerkraut?)

    Damn dog.

  • So you know how your mom is pretty much the nicest person on the planet even though you mercilessly tease her about her chronic disease and inability to make decisions and the fact that her house is a vortex? And you know how she bought you a laptop last night for no other reason than that your old one is slow and she loves you?

    Oh, wait, no that was my mom.

  • I know you think all I ever talk about is the war on geckos, but let me tell you, they're vicious. As I was turning on the light last night after walking in the door, I swear the biggest gecko I've ever seen ran between my legs into my living room. If ever there was a time to scream and wet myself, this was it.

    I'm pretty certain that if Satan had a pet gecko, this would have been it. He was big and evil and had sharp teeth. I couldn't even put a glass over him and save him for Jack; he was too big for the glass. So I did what any reasonable, adult woman would do.

    I called my daddy.

  • So Awana starts tonight and I'm very excited. First of all, this year my co-leader is my buddy Sarah, with whom I have lots of fun. Second of all, I have some awesome girls in my group, and I know this because I had a few of them last year and they're pretty much the sweetest kids on the planet. Third, and most importantly, kids say funny stuff, so most likely they will finally give me something to blog about again.

    And thank goodness for that.

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