Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Is that too much to ask to help cure MS? I think not.

So yesterday was the first day for registration for BikeMS, and I met with our team captain, Jimmy, last night to plan this year's ride.

You have no idea what goes into this ride. It's absolutely insane. The National Multiple Sclerosis society does so much to support us, but our team captain gets the brunt of the work for the logistics of our team and fundraising, including sponsorships for our jerseys and team tent. This is the 7th consecutive year Jimmy has been our captain, and let me tell you, he's organized. He has spreadsheets, data, statistics, you name it. He cares about this cause and he really knows his stuff.

At one point during the discussion, he asked how much we should make our team's fundraising goal. Last year it was $100,000, and we exceeded it. The year before it was $90,000. He wanted to increase it this year, but he wasn't sure by how much.

We took a look at his [extensive] data, and figured out that if we could raise $132,495 this year, that would put TeamHP at exactly $500,000. A half a million dollars. In seven years.

Um, I don't know if you know this, but that's a lot.

We figured out that if we had the same number of riders (about 140 or so), we would need each rider to average $800 for their fundraising. The minimum amount to raise is $300, but quite honestly, it's not that hard to raise more. You just have to get creative!

The way I raised money last year was by designing blogs in exchange for BikeMS donations. It worked beautifully, and this year I'll be doing it again.

But that's not the only way you can raise money. By thinking outside the box, I think we can raise a lot more than simply asking for donations. To encourage our team to do so, I've put a simple list together of other ways we can raise money to fight Multiple Sclerosis.

  • Begging for it on the street. I can easily skip showering for a few weeks, find some ratty clothes, and head out to downtown Dallas. Will I have to swallow my pride? Sure! Is it going to be humiliating? Of course! But is it too much to ask to help cure MS? I think not.
  • Sexy car wash. This one will require some assistance. Will it be difficult to convince Jack to put on the short shorts and scrub the cars shirtless with his man-chest and tushie? Of course! But is it too much to ask to help cure MS? I think not. 
  • Selling plasma and organs. I figure if I give plasma several times a day every day for the next 7 months, I can bump us up to that half-million mark. And if I get the nerve up to go for the kidney? I think we can exceed it. Sure, there's quite a recovery time and it's pretty illegal, but is it too much to ask to help cure MS? I think not. 
  • Stealing it. There are all kinds of places you can take money from! Children's piggy banks! Wallets! Purses! Wal-Mart! And with my black belt training, I think I could mug quite a few people. Rob a convenience store or two. Maybe I'll even try robbing a bank! Sure, it'll take some planning, but is it too much to ask to help cure MS? I think not. 
  • Drug dealing. From what I understand, if you offer the first one free they'll want to come back for more. I'll have to do a little more research on this one, but I think I can build a customer base. After all, if I can sell a blog, I can sell a drug, right? Will I get arrested? Probably! Will I ruin some people's lives and families? Most definitely! But is it too much to ask to help cure MS? I think not.
  • Prostitution. If I'm already selling my organs on the black market, robbing people and businesses, and dealing drugs, I might as well throw out this one as well. After all, it's the oldest profession, right? There must be something to it. And is it too much to ask to help cure MS? I think not.
  • Becoming a hitman woman. I'm going to need to find some mob connections and get over my squeemishness about the blood, but I hear there's good money in this! Sure, there's a chance I could die, but is that too much to ask to help cure MS? I think not.

I'm still looking for creative ideas to raise money for my ride, but I think I have a pretty good start here. It's going to take some work, but is that too much to ask to help cure MS?

I think not.

--

To keep me from having to produce and sell babies, prostitute myself or my husband, or become a hitman, please donate to my ride! And in case you missed it last year, here's why I ride.

7 comments:

aggieonboard said...

If you'd been planning ahead you could have produced, delivered, and sold a baby. Those bring way more than kidneys.

Jacky said...

Oh Mandy, this cracked me up!! You are so funny. =D Unfortunately, I don't have the budget to donate anything...but you'll probably get some people to donate out of sheer sympathy, so that you *won't* do those things!

Jenna said...

Mandy! You are just too hilarious!!! But I wan to spare you from selling drugs, becoming a prostitue, being a hitman woman and having your husband out on short shorts!!!! I want to help you in donating money! Let me know how I can get it to you and maybe you can possibly make me a cute header for my blog?

Mandy and Jack said...

@aggieonboard - BRILLIANT!! I could produce and sell babies!! You're SO thinking ahead! Unfortunately, I only have 7 months until the ride... I'm going to need to expedite this kid!!

And Jenna & Jacky - thanks for the reminder! I'll put my donation link on the page. :) March and April Blogs by Mandy orders will go 100% to my ride, though I'm considering extending that since our goal is so lofty this year!! :)

Amanda said...

You could also get maggie to finally do a backflip and have her perform like a monkey on the streets

or you could befriend the children that stand outside of walmart with buckets asking for money for some generic cause. give them lots of slushies and sodas, then when their buckets are full (as are their bladders) they'll go to the bathroom and you can run off with the money.

seriously though, let us know what we can do to help you raise that money!

Shane said...

You and all your charities ask for a lot of stuff from us.

Sarah D said...

You know, I work in fundraising...and this year has been tough on a lot of non-profits. Maybe I can recruit you to write direct mail copy? Anything to cure MS!