Tuesday, June 15, 2010


Sometimes I don't feel like being friendly.

I mean, I am anyway. Most of the time. My co-workers tease me about how overly friendly I am. "Why do you always say 'hi' to strangers?" they ask.

I think I learned that from my next door neighbor, Chris. She and I were walking into her building one day when I was in high school, and she smiled and said "good morning" to the maintenance guys we were passing as we walked in. And she didn't, like, mumble it or anything. She really meant it, even though she didn't know them at all. Because it's who she is. And I don't know, I always remembered it. And I thought "why don't I say good morning to people?" And so I greet everyone I come in contact with now. Because everyone deserves a smile or a hello.

But sometimes? I don't feel like it.

I don't feel like being friendly to the Craigslist guy who sells the cabinets that I made arrangements with him to pick up (to not only take Jack's truck to work but to have my Dad go with me so I didn't get murdered or something) to someone else just a few hours before I told him I was coming. Right out from under me. And the stupid thing is? I told him I could pick them up the night before, and he said it was too late (7:30 p.m.) because his kids had to go to bed. So, okay, I'll wait and come tomorrow because your precious kids need to go to bed right now. I'll see you at 6 p.m. tomorrow!

But tomorrow is today and he didn't even call. If I hadn't called him, I would have driven all the way out there (about an hour away) with the truck and the rope and everything else you need to pick up cabinets and he would have been like "oh, sorry, I'm a jerk who doesn't think about anybody but myself."

And this was the second day this happened. At least the cabinets from the day before were accidentally destroyed instead of the person being a jerk and selling them out from under me.

And yeah, I get it, it's Craigslist, so no guarantees on anything. But I've sold things on Craigslist and if somebody says they're going to come pick something up? I don't sell the flippin' thing before they get there. Call me crazy.

If I'm being unfriendly, I might as well add children to the list. When? WHEN? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN, MANDY? Something big is happening, I announce. Oh! You must be pregnant, Mandy! Because you can't possibly accomplish anything else other than bearing children, Mandy!

I will procreate when I'm ready. And no sooner. Also? It's none of your business how much sex I'm having or why.

Want to know a secret? Kids bug the crap out of me. Without fail. And I know, it will be different when they're my own. And oooh, the joys of parenthood, with the vomit on the clothing! And the tantrums in public (in which I evidently lose all sense of common courtesy and let my kid do whatever it wants)! And the trying to juggle a very tight budget! And the crazy guilt coming at you no matter what you choose for your kids! Breastfeed or formula! Work or stay home! Homeschool or public school! (Public, by the way). Yes! Please! Sign me up for that!!

And now I sound like a feminist, and that makes me feel unfriendly as well, because I hate feminism too.

Have I offended all my readers yet?

Not quite?

Okay, one more.

Large people in regular sized seats in a public theater. When somebody is very large (and I do mean very large - like, not just a little overweight), shouldn't they take that into consideration when attending an event with regular-sized seating and maybe consider buying another ticket? And yes, I did feel bad for this person because really, she was large and that was sad, but at the same time, she was sitting almost on top of me for the entire show, her body spilling both under and over the arm-rest. Half of my seat was literally taken up by her bottom. I definitely paid full price for that seat, and she definitely used much of it the whole time.

And that made me feel pretty unfriendly too.
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