Saturday, July 3, 2010

In which I stand on the bed at 5 a.m.

Our fan. It's possessed.

In our effort to update everything that was gold in our house to brushed nickel, we decided to get a new fan in our bedroom. And it's magnificent, really. The blades are bigger, so it produces more air than our old one, plus it's just so darn pretty.

But when it's on?

Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clankclankclankclankclankclankclankclankclank!!!

Oh my gosh, guys. It's like there's a freaking angry bull inside my fan. It shakes so hard that it wakes me. ME, who needs 5 alarms to wake up in the morning. Me, who has entire fights with my husband in my sleep without any recollection.

It's a loud fan. There's something wrong with its balance, so it never stops clanking. And our room is super-hot, and we just plain need the fan to be on in the summer. As a result, our neighbors probably think we're having a lot more fun at night than we are.

So it woke me up about 5 this morning, and I'm just laying there, getting angrier and angrier that I'm awake, thinking about how I have to get up for work in just three hours (okay, yeah, I forgot that today was Saturday) and clank I clank couldn't clank even clank think clank about clank anything clank else! Clank!

I decided the only way to stop the madness was to stand up on the bed and hold it still. Totally rational, yes? So very carefully, I stood up on the my side of the bed, Jack sleeping down below. I reached up and steadied the fan. Oh, sweet silence. Maybe now it would somehow be magically balanced and I could get back to sleep. Am handy!

All of the sudden, Jack popped up.

"Mandy! Mandy wake up! Mandy! What are you doing?" he asked, panicked as I stood on the bed, arm outstretched, holding on to our ceiling fan.

I started laughing as I realized how this must look to him, his crazy wife who talks in her sleep suddenly standing up on the bed in the middle of the night.

I explained what I was doing but I doubt I seemed much more levelheaded to him then than when he thought I was doing it in my sleep.

For the record, standing on the bed in the middle of the night didn't help the situation.

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