Monday, January 17, 2011

In which I accidentally rant but I'm actually not upset at all with my friend Jack

This weekend rocked. I was mocking somebody last week because he didn't want to be away from his wife for a night, while I was super-excited that Jack would be gone all weekend at a tournament so I would have the whole house to myself to do as I please.

Does that make me a bad wife?

Probably. But I'm going to call it "independent."

Also, I made up for the bad wife thing by taking down our Christmas stuff and cleaning the house yesterday. Which, as I was cleaning, made me picture Jack walking back into the house after the tournament, placing his hands on his cheeks, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, and shrieking "YOU DID ALL THIS FOR ME!?" And I would respond "Yes, my love! All for you!" and he would gush over how very, very clean it all was and how this fact has relieved all the stress he has been feeling and that now he will finally be able to relax the rest of the weekend. And, I don't know, maybe he would call a few friends to tell them the tale of coming home to a clean house and update his Facebook status once or twice about it. Nothing big.

But when he got home, I was reminded that he is very much not a girl. Because at first I thought he didn't notice at all since he was so tired, because he didn't say anything about it. Then when I asked him if he noticed anything different, he nonchalantly replied "Oh yeah, I saw you took down the tree."

Oh yeah, I saw you took down the tree? Wait. Let's back up here, dear one. "Taking down the tree" (PLUS ORNAMENTS PLUS ALL THE OTHER CHRISTMAS CRAP WE HAD UP) requires me to climb up into the attic alone, risking my life, thank you very much, and crawling around amongst the insulation and the geckos and the rats AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE OMG, and then carrying the boxes down one-by-one. By myself. And then? Doing the whole thing again in reverse after I've filled the boxes back up.

And then I bathed the dogs, vacuumed, shampooed the carpets, and did the dishes.

So, just a moment of shrieking or gushing would have been nice.

But, on the bright side, at least I'm sure he's straight.
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