Saturday, June 25, 2011

Douchery - An addendum

Something happened at the tournament today that I couldn't NOT add to my little commentary about acting rude in public that I wrote the other day at the airport.

And you know, you'd think in an organization that teaches respect for others, self-control, honor, and integrity, you wouldn't see stuff like this. But I was dealing with spectators* in this case, so I'm just going to assume he didn't know anything about taekwondo (yeah right) and was therefore never taught respect.

When I arrived at the tournament this morning, most of the chairs were empty because Jack made us leave a half hour early even though the competition never starts until an hour after it's supposed to anyway and also it's a 10-foot walk across the street and OH MY COW it's 7:30 where is my coffee!? we got there a little early.

I took the seat on the end in Jack's ring, watching the long, drawn-out speeches and awards presentations that aren't technically scheduled but they do them every year at this time even though they say the competition starts at 8 lovely opening ceremony before Jack competed. After everything ended and people began getting ready to start their rings, groups of people began trying to get to the coveted one row of seats that were on the side (there are more behind the ring but these are slightly better since you can see the competitors' faces).

A group of four came over, and noticing that there were only two chairs left next to me, brought over two more and put them on the other side of me (evidently they are the keepers of the elusive, magical chairs). Seeing that the addition would split their group up, I offered to move over to the new end seat so they could stay together.

"Really!?" they gushed, "you would do that?"

"Sure," I replied. It was just me, so it was no big deal at all. I gathered Jack's my belongings and scooted on over. No big deal.

They thanked me several more times, obviously grateful for the chance to stay together in the group even though they had arrived later.

Fast-forward to an hour or two later, when the sparring matches were going on in Jack's ring. By then, Jack's dad had arrived and was standing behind me watching the matches. The guy beside me was standing in front of his chair and therefore in front of me, like so:

Don't worry, red-shirt guy. I didn't need to see any of the sparring.

It's kind of a given that if you're going to stand up, you should really move behind the chairs. Not only does that free up space for others to sit if they wanted to, but that way, you wouldn't be standing in front of the people who are sitting.


But, no, this guy was evidently much more important than all us commoners. So important, in fact, that when my father-in-law decided to sit down in the empty seat next to me (there were two empty next to me, actually, the guy's bag was in the one two seats down and he was standing in front of that one, and the one next to me was completely empty), the guy turned around, horrified look on his face, and announced that HE WAS SITTING THERE.

Um, couple things, red-shirt dude. First of all, your bag is in the next seat over. You know, where the rest of your group is sitting? That group that I moved over for so you could sit with them? DO YOU REMEMBER THE ONE?

Also, you're not sitting. You're standing. In front of all the people who are sitting. Because YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT.

So my father-in-law, politely and respectfully, as he ALWAYS is, said "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this seat was empty."

The guy huffed and puffed, snatched his bag up from the next seat over, and put it down in the seat next to me where my father-in-law had been sitting. My father-in-law moved to the now-empty next seat over.


Bag now next to me. Father-in-law next to the bag now two seats down. Moron now standing in front of the seat next to me instead of two seats down. STILL BLOCKING EVERYBODY'S VIEW.

And I'm sure the part I didn't realize was that he somehow SAVED THE WORLD by keeping that seat completely empty (no wait, I'm sorry, his bag was in it after he moved it there).

Maybe he knew that a sniper had his scope set on that VERY CHAIR, and this guy saved my father-in-law's LIFE by keeping him out of that spot!

Or maybe it was like the movie "Speed," except that instead of speeding to keep the bomb from going off, he had to keep less than 20 pounds in the seat.

And the bomb! It would completely wipe out all of Arkansas, NAY, THE CONTINENT had it gone off! And because of the explosion, trillions of millisieverts of radiation** would be emitted and WE WOULD ALL BE DEAD WITHIN HOURS!

So come to think of it, this guy's a HERO! He saved the world. Thank goodness, someone's here to make these kinds of sacrifices.

Or, you know, he might have just been a self-centered jerk.

I'll let you decide that one.


*Of 6th-degree Masters

**Yes, I did just Google "radiation units of measure." No, I'm still not even sure that that's the right unit of measure for this particular scenario. Evidently there are several units to choose from. I'm too pretty to know the difference.
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