Friday, June 3, 2011

Every day



Every day, I hit the snooze button on my alarm.

It's a problem for me. I usually don't even wake up - I have a tendency of turning the alarm off altogether in my sleep. And it's really a problem for Jack, who is a super-light sleeper and is pretty much awake after the first alarm.

(Sorry, honey.)

But it's getting harder and harder to get up every day, not only because I'm exhausted in general, but I know what's waiting for me now.

The thing is, I used to love getting out of bed in the morning for work. I looked forward to it every day, and I would be excited to see my co-workers and tackle the projects I was so passionate about.

Things have changed. The work has changed. The atmosphere has changed. The people working there have changed.

This week, 10% of my co-workers were laid off in my company, and countless others got their hours cut. When you work in ministry, the financial situation depends very much on how much is donated, which is affected by the economy and the places people choose to put their money. And lately, people have not been putting their money toward our ministry.

It's a fact of life, and I'm blessed to still be there, to have a job at all, but you know, it sucks too.

It's an odd thing to have such dramatic cuts happen in your company. It's a mixture of uncertainty and loss. The home where you always felt safe doesn't feel safe any longer. You can't trust what you thought about the place. You get that your boss still cares about all of you, but the fact is, that boss's boss took your friend's job away. The friend that you sat next to for three and a half years is not there any more.

I used to see her every day, eat lunch with her every day, talk about our lives together every day, and tell her to have a good night at the end of every day.

But now, I'll be looking at her empty desk through my window instead. Every day.

Which, to be completely honest, doesn't really help make me want to get up and sit at that desk when my alarm goes off every day.
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