I do awkward things.
This isn't news to you.
But, see, you're supposed to be all "normal" and "professional" and "not a spaz" when you're at work. Which is a problem for me because, well, I do awkward things (see above).
For example, when you walk into a bathroom stall and notice that the toilet seat is up because it has just been cleaned, you might put it down immediately since it seems like it should be a pretty important step before getting down to business.
And yet, I chose to close the door and hang my card key onto the little hook on the back of the door first. And because I have the attention span of a gnat (LOOK! SOMETHING SHINY! What was I talking about?) I forgot all about the seat-less toilet that was waiting for me during those four seconds.
So obviously, I fell in the toilet when I tried to sit down.
(Right now, my mom is cringing because "WHY DID YOU SIT DOWN IN THE FIRST PLACE!? YOU NEVER SIT ON A NON-HOME TOILET! I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THAT! YOU COULD GET AIDS OR PREGNANT OR SOMETHING!" Sorry Mom. You had to find out sometime. Not everybody hovers. I hope you can still find a way to love me. I'm still your daughter, after all.)
Where was I?
Oh, right. All up in the toilet.
I caught myself just before I ended up in the toilet water, but I spent the whole trip back from the bathroom giggling at myself because I JUST FELL IN THE TOILET AT WORK.
When I passed my friend Debbie's desk, I was still laughing so she asked what was going on, so I just kind of blurted out "I JUST FELL IN THE TOILET!"
Because that is an appropriate thing to tell your co-worker, yes?
Oh, it gets better.
All of the sudden I heard the male HR Director, who sits in the office next to Debbie's say "Oh my gosh, Mandy, I did not need to know that." And then he got up and shut his door.
So I did what any professional would do next.
I opened his door back up and explained that I didn't actually fall in the water, at least. Like that was so much better.
And then, the obvious next step was to go tell my boss what had happened.
Just walked in his office and told him that I just fell in the toilet like it was something he needed to know.
I don't really understand why people stay friends with me.
I think maybe blogging has conditioned me to over-share. It's your fault, you guys. Stop rewarding me for telling you terrible things about myself.
It's probably best if I start preparing my resume.
Just in case.